hold yourself together

there is a fire in this heart
i am dying from the
inside
out

i fall in and out of love with you every day
because i never know what
love
actually is

i am a mess
i am not yours
i am no one's
hereby i have been declared nothing

i am not in love with you
my feelings are mixing in the depth of this
shallow mind, i
can only dream about loving you
and face the reality that
my name will never be uttered by your lips

i care too deeply
for this to be okay.

i spend much of my night
dreaming about the way
your day
must feel

better than mine
better that me

a delicate state is
no excuse
it's
my excuse

i would prefer not to exist in a world
with you
brushing past me
i do not catch your eye
i do not turn your head
i would prefer to not exist in a world
without you

talking about death makes me
think of things i
would
wouldn't
would
wouldn't
like to dwell on

there is a fire in this heart, but
it will not kill me
it will not touch me
my death is your victory

my death is nothing
to you.