happysmileygal

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hold yourself together by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

hold yourself together

there is a fire in this heart i am dying from the inside out i fall in and out of love with you every day because i never know what love actually is i am a mess i am not yours i am no one's hereby i have been declared nothing i am not in love with you my feelings are mixing in the depth of this shallow mind, i can only dream about loving you and face the reality that my name will never be uttered by your lips i care too deeply for this to be okay. i spend much of my night dreaming about the way your day must feel better than mine better that me a delicate state is no excuse it's my excuse i would prefer not to ex

Lately by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

Lately

last night I was okay. last night some people said some things and for some seconds, some few two or three or fourfivesix seconds those hurt- and I stopped because I could feel it- it creeps up my back sometimes, or flattens me like clouds over the stars- last night I was okay, but only okay. - the night before i was fine. i went out to dine at a Michelin starred restaurant and there was a moment when i wasn't sure what to do- and there were eyes- and people, they dined here, they wore smart clothes and fancy bags and pretty heels- i wore a short skirt and a spangled vest jumper- i had holes in my tights and old red converse and a flick on

an Exercise in Words by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

an Exercise in Words

She wraps writing round her as though if she tries hard enough the words will embed their selves onto her body, layer by layer, letter by letter, till her skin is blackened with dusty ink in 'love finds no loss's and 'once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl who fell in love with a beautiful boy and they overcame their enemies with their kindness and love and lived together happily forever's because even she knows that every once in a while happy endings exist. In time and space and even if it's just an eye for an eye it's still there, so it still counts. She likes to think. She does like to think, but sometimes thinking for thinking's

Upside Down by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

Upside Down

You live like a back-to-front knee-high pair of white school socks. You walk in a world where footsteps touch the heavens and your fingers are left to trail across rays of sun that burn until your tips are red raw from heat and light and other kinds of energy that scientists haven't discovered yet. Solar. Potential. Nuclear. Scorching, and your hair falls into seas so deep that your eyes find creatures you never knew existed and giant squids (more giant than the most giant squid that lies lonely in a museum, cold and dead) get tangled in hair so red and yellow it clashes too bright with the blue. It gets darker the further down you go, and it

I Wouldn't Know by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

I Wouldn't Know

I've been thinking a lot and I've decided I don't like this. I've been sitting and waiting, child-like and pathetic, for you. I'm tired of it. I'm sick of these games, except they're not games because they're no fun and you don't even know the rules. Sometimes I wonder if you even know we're playing at all. I give up. Time out. The end. You've won, if you even wanted to. You've won, but not because you were the best. In truth, it was only because I was the worst, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I'm so tired of your hiding. Why must you hide? What purpose does it serve? Safety? Security? Unguaranteed isolation, and burning loneliness, an

It Could've Been Lovely by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

It Could've Been Lovely

It's been two years, two long years if you remember but two short years if you think about it logically, if you remember that once you had a friend called Curls and then you lost her and now she's coming back. Once you liked blue eyes, then they became brown, and now it's in limbo but it's a different blue this time. Once, there were nose patches and belives and was it a sweet dream? when in the end it was only a beautiful nightmare. Two long years if you want to think about it, and two short ones when you don't. Two years, and nothing's changed. In reality, it all has. But it hasn't. Not really. You're still young, you're still immature, yo

All For Me by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

All For Me

I'm going to walk on two hands and I'm going to do it on my own. I'm going to draw heart shapes in the dust and wraps them in rings of wedded bliss. I'm going to paint the town gold and silver and bronze because I think neon suits the cities better. I'm not going to need anyone, but it'd be nice if they needed me. I'm going to do it on my own, I swear. I'll get right to the top and I'll do it for fun, I'll go hit rock bottom and I'll do it because it's nice to sit down for a while, and maybe I'll be stuck in the middle but that'll be fine, because no one can judge you there. Except myself. But if I've gotten to the middle, then what's there

Always Running Out Of Time by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

Always Running Out Of Time

Time's like a waterfall - steady, flowing, neverending, never changing, always going on. And on. And on. Time becomes irrelevant and you don't know how much is passing. It never finishes. It doesn't care. If someone dies, okay, fine. Someone's born, yeah. That's life. It's going to keep going on, it's not going to stop, and who are we to ask for that? You want to go back, to before it happened, before any of it happened. But at the same time, you don't. It's inanimate, all-encompassing - it's just there and it always was. Back in the Stone age, Iron age, the Romans and the Egyptians and back when the dinosaurs roamed, it was there. It was

If I Could Have A Minute by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

If I Could Have A Minute

This is normality. The tip, the point, the precipice and utter meaning of normality. Of routine. You knew this would happen today because it happens every day. It's almost inappropriate for it not to happen. So it happened. Like every day. And you have a brilliant poker face, I'll give you that, but mine's perfect even when we know it's all fake. I love fakery, I love perfection. There's something so cunning and sly and evil about fakeness I hate to adore, but it's always been like this, I've always been attracted to the underlying beauty of the dark side. I always liked the villains in films. They were always terrible, terribly evil, and te

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hold yourself together by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

hold yourself together

Lately by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

Lately

an Exercise in Words by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

an Exercise in Words

Upside Down by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

Upside Down

I Wouldn't Know by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

I Wouldn't Know

It Could've Been Lovely by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

It Could've Been Lovely

All For Me by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

All For Me

Always Running Out Of Time by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

Always Running Out Of Time

If I Could Have A Minute by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

If I Could Have A Minute

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forgetting how to sleep by intricately-ordinary, literature

Literature

forgetting how to sleep

take two. a week past the end of the world, and there’s something therapeutic about not caring. I must’ve really messed up in another life. I wake up shaking and forget to sleep shaking and hold your hand, shaking, remembering the moment I became poison. I feel crazier than ever; cementhead’s good and gone with his plastic wrists and missing soul. the boy who entertains his unfriendliest nightmares couldn’t muster up enough innocence to make it right. (today, he writes a letter; dear Sophia, he tells me it doesn’t get better. I’m locked up for a crime I didn’t commit. you did it, Sophia. yo

what I forgot to say by intricately-ordinary, literature

Literature

what I forgot to say

to the girl who lives like a hurricane: don’t expect to tell me about your addiction to self-harm and Nyquil and have me smile; although, as I shiver from lakewater and things less tangible, I seem to acquire a talent for glossing over the list of things I need to tell you-- your boyfriend is an asshole. California does not begin and end in a tiny town where people operate like clockwork around the same happy working song. I am not a fountain of wisdom, and, to be honest, I can barely understand you over the thunderstorms in my own brain. you are beautiful and you are wrong. . to the girl I left back in time: purpose is not a given

PS by intricately-ordinary, literature

Literature

PS

it's come to this-- definitions of memories and people and dreams I’ll never know firsthand like reasons for living; this realization that I am a stagnant planet, lost on its orbit home; this search for a justification to keep on breathing ocean when my lungs won’t tolerate salt. I woke today in the water to angels swimming around my feet; coral, pearlescent anchors dragging me down, down, sweetly lullabying about you, dear, and the day the tides washed you away. you are written in my skin as much as the lies I live by daily. you are the beautiful things: the sun waking up in the morning, the stars pitying at me as I try

Deviation Spotlight

Upside Down by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

Upside Down

happysmileygal

Deviation Spotlight

D is for Dangerous by happysmileygal, literature

Literature

D is for Dangerous

I saw your name written in the stars and it made me smile because usually we can't see the stars from here. The sky was clear and the ground was cold, but I stayed there anyway because the moon was almost full and I don't think I've ever seen anything like it before. Maybe I haven't. Your name's a nice name, though. It's pretty and simple and not ugly like 'Gertmein' or 'Vladimir' or odd names like that. It's a nice name, and it didn't capture my attention at first, but it feels nice when I say it, and say it again, and mix it in with other words that sound just as nice but aren't really. But nothing's as nice as your name, really. Not even

D is for Dangerous

happysmileygal

About happysmileygal

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Artist // Hobbyist // Literature

June 19
United Kingdom
Deviant for 15 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Spending most of my time crying over various fictional shows, like Teen Wolf and Supernatural, as well as various fictional characters, like Derek Hale and Sam Winchester and Lydia Martin and Adam Milligan and there's a lot of them ok. Time not spent doing that usually involves me squealing over six grown men playing video games (they call themselves Achievement Hunters, tch), especially one Michael Jones who is perfect in each and every way oh my god he is beautiful god i need a moment.

In case you ever want to see the hysterics in real time, visit tyrellis.tumblr.com for more fun.

Disclaimer: I'm also an idiot and defend these characters with ferocity. Don't tall about politics to me, bc I'll monopolise the conversation and somehow turn it to America's lack of a national health service, feminism, or the class system. I'm a sarcastic lil shit that makes ridiculous references to ridiculous shows, and I like girly things and badass shit bc why not. Sorry.

Favourite Visual Artist

I like colour... Leonid Afremov is a favourite painter of mine. COLOUR WOO.

Favourite Movies

Les Mis 5ever, Social Network, Inception, Juno, Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet (look, Leo was really hot), Mean Girls, Clueless.

Favourite TV Shows

Teen Wolf, Supernatural, BBC Sherlock, Shameless US, Hannibal, Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Community and yeah

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Daughter, The Lumineers, Imagine Dragons, Arctic Monkeys, The Wombats, Childish Gambino there are lots ok

Favourite Books

Anything by Sarah Dessen or John Green, my love, The Luxe series, the Chaos Walking trilogy, HP series, The Warehouse, Romeo and Juliet, Lord of the Flies, To KIll a Mockingbird, loads of online fiction because I AM cool.

Favourite Writers

Sarah Dessen. I love you. Patrick Ness. An online girl, potionwine. A couple of online girls. Or boys. Like idk.

Favourite Games

LoZ: Twilight Princess...OBVSOBVSOBVS. The Sims, I've become so obsessed lately.

Favourite Gaming Platform

YOU. Loljks.

Tools of the Trade

UGH

Other Interests

Skiing and singing and fashion and...that's...it. Maybe.

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happysmileygal

Sep 20, 2014

soo....

0 min read

a lot of ppl probably don't know...about the scottish referendum results... so basically for the past two years a real movement for independence has swept across scotland, and we held our referendum on 17/9/14, vote yes for independence or no for the union. for various reasons, i'm a passionate yes voter - mainly because i believe in having our own gvt that we voted for that will protect us, because i want to remove trident from us, because i want change now. so...votes came in from 2am+ on the 18th, and it became clear very quickly it was a no vote. shoutout to the islands, who're to stuck in traditional to handle the thought of being left

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happysmileygal

Apr 12, 2013

BACK IN BUSINESS

0 min read

what no i don't have a business I am merely back from Colorado, where I have spent the past two weeks skiing and going to sleep at 7am UK time UGH so this little shit ~Starija (https://www.deviantart.com/starija) tagged me on this and that is literally the only reason i am updating my journal christ i am lazy Rules: 1. You must post the rules. 2. Each person must post 6 things about themselves in their journal. 3. You have to choose 11 people to tag and post their icons on your journal. fucking no man fucking no 4. Go to their page and tell them you have tagged them. 5. No tag backs. 6. No stuff in the tagging section about "you're tagged if you're reading this".